Saturday has come and gone. If it sounds like i'm gonna get emotional, well, i am. I'm someone's fiancee. Like now i have a big 'RESERVED' sign tattooed across my forehead. Or fingers rather, whichever way you wanna see it. And if you think i'm gonna complain, you gotta think again. Because i'm loving it. And i like it. And i love him. And i can't wait for the wedding.

Sheesh. To think i'm only 19.

Go ahead and shake your heads, lambs. Go ahead and laugh and narrow your eyes wondering whether i've got acorns growing out of my brain. I don't. I want this. I choose this. No matter how delusional and drastic it sounds, this has been what i wanted my whole life. Pushing aside the fact that i do want to get out of this house badly (don't get me wrong, i love my family, mom, dad, sisters and brothers; but there are some things you don't understand), i really really want this.

So maybe you're the ones with acorns growing out of your brains.

I want to marry him. I want him to father my kids. And i want all this before i turn 26. Something about proving society wrong kinda urge me. The controversial and lowly stuff they associate young married couples and young parents with - it irks me. Mommy, let me prove something. I may break down and you may go, "See, I told you so," but i will stand up back. He will take my hand and help me up. Insyallah.

It's only half a step i'm taking. Others go, "He's 27, getting old, of course he wanna marry soon. But you're 19. So young. A whole life ahead of you." Does it help if i say i see my life infront of me only with him? Does it help if i admit that i know there are bound to be problems, financially especially, but i still wanna go through it anyway? Does it help if i scream that indeed i'm making a rash decision and rushing into things, but this is what i want?

People think i'm ruining my teenage years and freedom by getting hitched. But be in my shoes, and you'll see that i'll have more freedom after marriage than i'm having now.

Allah will help us both through. We have a good intention. We didn't get engaged just to get married and then to have a divorce. Nobody does. It's about whether you're strong enough to go through it or not.

I want a family of my own. I could well be 16 right now, but my mindset will stay the same.

Just pray for both of us? Please. We'll take advices, but not a 'no'. Because to each other we've already said 'yes'. So please pray. Please please. Because we both know it won't be easy. We heard what you all have got to say, and we agree and still, our decision sticks. But if there are prayers to back us up, insyallah, we'll make it through.

Damn, i speak like i'm a 30-year-old woman who has been through a divorce 5 times.

And this entry is not a tad bit enjoying considering the fact that saturday had been quite enjoying. So i will make it up in the next entry. Some party-popping pictures and a post of length. I promise.

For now i gotta call my boyfriend before i go to sleep; i miss him so fucking much although i just saw him hours ago.

Did i say boyfriend?

Sorry, i meant fiancee.

=)